remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
