So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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