It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
