You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
