toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
