You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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