What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
soo... how was my night?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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