I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She made me pour olive oil on her.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
