When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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