Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize