I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
