why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
