she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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