Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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