I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
