I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I believe in your delicious
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
