And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
