I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
