u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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