worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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