I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you had me at cake vodka
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
