Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
