Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
from now on my penis is your penis
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
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