He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
