That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
