God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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