put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Randomize
