Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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