By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
