Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
