i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize