Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Still dying that you shit outside
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
