The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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