Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
