this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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