I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Your cock deserves a montage
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
