i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
