WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
