Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
