i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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