The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
People in love make me want to vomit
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
