Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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