Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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