I want to walk on stilts...naked
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
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You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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