you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
