my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
