What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
