We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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