Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
