I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
