I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
