I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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