I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
