K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
