best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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