Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Randomize
