Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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