So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
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I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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