I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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