my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
