he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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