he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How does one acquire holy water?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
