One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
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it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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