is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
