I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
