i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
