just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dear god my vagina.
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