the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
