Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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