In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
