i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
