I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
