Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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