When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
