I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
