It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
