he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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