she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
