I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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